Alvin Lai

Image from virginia.edu

Chancing on the Financial Times article published in the Straits Times titled “Bluffing’s the name of the game”, by author Lucy Kellaway, I thought it would be timely to discuss the whole process of remembering names. Especially since it was personally relevant at a barbecue as recently as last evening.

The author Lucy aptly highlights the importance of remembering names as a form of courtesy and career advancement, since business is all about relationships.

I believe that it would be highly relevant to you, my reader too

Some of the points suggestions cited were:

1. Repeating the name – may help, she says but it feels very American and even hypocritically ‘fake’ in an asian context. I personally disagree. When you repeat the person’s name, you are actively making an effort to ensure that you get his/her name right the first time round. This not only shows a sincere interest in the person but also saves you further embarrassment when you reintroduce him/her to another with a wrong name. A sincere interest in others transcends all cultures. The former American president Bill Clinton nicely portrays this with his sincere interest in others coupled with two handed handshakes and elbow contact. A similar CNN excerpt illustrates this.

2. Using mnemonics – Lucy suggests taking the first letter of the name and associating it with a suitable animal beginning with the same letter. Not only is it difficult to hold an intelligent conversation while deciding if this Steven’s a snake or a stork, but what’s to stop you from confusing him with a Simon or Shawn in future after you’ve decided that he’s a stork? Mnemonics have been a powerful tool in helping me remember names, and the trick is not to restrict yourself in using animals or any single category per se. I would never be able to remember Chinese names of brief acquaintances I’ve met during Japanese baito without the use of mnemonics. One example would be a funky guy called Yong Zhong I met. As funky as he could get, it was difficult to remember Chinese names, but just mentally picturing him in the middle of 2 pillars allow me to come up with a mnemonic “always middle”, which also relates to Yong Zhong in Chinese. A whacky memorable mnemonic goes a long way. Controversy helps.

3. Other tips – include associating a person with a body/facial feature (which doesn’t help if he/he doesn’t look too distinctive), logging stuff into a PDA (looking weird if you’re attempt to enter the name on the spot or easily forgetting to do so right after and back to square one) and of course eating healthy, exercising regularly, sleeping well for a healthy body mind and memory.

So what’s the best way?

I’ve found a combination of points 1 and 2 to work well. By repeating the name and enunciating it several times, not only do you exude an interest in the other person with an effort to get his name right, it also serves to help come up with a mnemonic. Similarly for Chuan Yun, whom I met last evening, just reiterating the name a few times made me think of her donning a FedEX uniform delivering a parcel as Chuan Yun sounds like “pass transport” when literally translated from Chinese.

I also gave Yang Jun, also known as Steve a controversially alternate add on name – Stiff Steve, which brought much joy and laughter to the Japanese Studies Society club we’re all in, just simply because it rhymes.

Remembering names can be fun too!

It’s unfortunate that Lucy has to decide that bluffing’s the name of the game of remembering names (oops haha), to always bluff, play around and wait for a clue to jog your memory for the person you’ve met not too long ago.

I think honesty’s the best policy here. When you sheepishly admit that you’ve forgotten a name, not only the accompanying guilt helps you better remember the name, but it also shows that respect the person, not taking him on a ride, treating him like a fool and playing along with him just to get clues of who he really is. It’s far worse to be found out and trust me, it’s not worth the risk.

I think many would be pretty suprised when I mention of meeting my primary school classmates for BBQ. It’s like who keeps in touch with theirs?

I’m thankful to meet them after parting ways for more than a decade since the Primary School Leaving Examinations (PSLE). There’s also this warm fuzzy feeling when you try to piece names to faces and recall class seating positions.

We also had lots of fun trying to compile the full name list of our P6 class, updating each other about whereabouts and sharing nostalgic experiences.

The BBQ at Pasir Ris Park pit 36 was nice. After CiBao and I set us up the fire (I couldn’t resist the set us up the bomb pun haha), the ladies wanted to grill the crab sticks.

The only problem was, the crab sticks would fray above the open fire and we didn’t buy aluminum foil. We came up with the idea of finishing the Otaks (yummy spicy flavored fish slabs pre grilled in banana leaves) and using the banana leaves as placeholders:

It was an interesting sight.

The fire was glowing a nice amber and the food done in an utmost surprisingly delectable manner, with unbelievable great tasting chicken wings seasoned with honey garlic BBQ sauce at the last minute.

The fish balls were heartwarmingly tangy too.

XiaoJing couldn’t really bear to eat some of the food after a discussion of cruel slaughter methods, and I was chided for saying “hey more body parts, oops wings!” haha..

YanShan was really capable in keeping the place spick and span and was unbeatable with the finances.

ChuanYun.. A new face and a new name for me today! “Pass Transport”, a nice mnemonic!

Jihua came shortly after and man has he changed. Looking damn fit sia!

After the BBQ, Jihua drove us (Yes all 6 of us, including himself) to White Sands for a drink at Macdonalds.

Just as we were leaving, a Macdonald’s auntie came to help clear our drinks.

The next moment she came up to ask us: “Did you know that Pasir Ris starts the day half an hour later than the rest of Singapore?” all that in perfect mandarin.

She said that during her time, the government wanted Pasir Ris to have the same time as the rest of Singapore, for purposes of time synchronized stock exchange with the Malaysian stock market, understandably for economic reasons.

“But is this good for the people?”, she questions, throwing us aback.

Ah, the opposition, I thought to myself.

She goes on to explain that its not healthy to wake up prematurely, then going on to the situation of school children (in Pasir Ris) waking up extra early, due to the time discrepancy.

In a nice transition, she mentions herself as a teacher back then fearfully teaching the son of a rich indian man, whose name wasn’t officially enrolled, under instruction of the principal.

She relates how she gave extra lessons to her EM3 students back then, helping them, only to be faced with disagreement from her superiors.

Rather than increasing the salary of teaching staff for some reason I forgot, she felt that the education system should focus on solving problems associated with the EM3 system.

Battling with her conscience, she quit the teaching profession that pays a monthly $3000 for a research assistant job at NUS that pays $700, a noble sacrifice for aspirations, I think, and finally ending up at Macdonalds for $400 a month.

Was she ranting? Maybe. But it was a refreshing take on things, interesting nonetheless.

Kena chided for being too patient with her by the rest later.

A splendid evening it is

What’s the trivial difference, you might ask.

I’ve been reading Ian Ybarra’s blog, for quite some time now and his posts are usually chockful of lime fresh goodness that strike you in your tracks pondering self reflection.

This one’s particularly good, and he summarises it darn well:

1. You’ve got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.

2. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don’t even know it!

3. Have no regrets. The elderly usually don’t have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets.

The original text is based off a chain letter and here’s an excerpt, without the forward to 20 other people or God will hate you kinda thing.

The first day of school our professor challenged us to get to know someone we didn’t already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.

She said, “Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I’m eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?”
I laughed and enthusiastically responded, “Of course you may!” and she gave me a giant squeeze.
“Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?” I asked.

She jokingly replied, “I’m here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids…”
“No seriously,” I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

“I always dreamed of having a college education and now I’m getting one!” she told me. After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this “time machine” as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.
Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I’ll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, “I’m sorry I’m so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I’ll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know.”
As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, “We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success.

(1) You have to laugh and find humor every day.

(2) You’ve got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don’t even know it!

(3) There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don’t do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn’t take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change.

(4) Have no regrets. The elderly usually don’t have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets.”

She concluded her speech by courageously singing “The Rose.” She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.
At the year’s end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it’s never too late to be all you can possibly be.

You can check out the original post here

The show producer called.

After chatting for a while, I found out that the show needed someone who had alternative debatable views on stuff like job hopping.

I personally feel that job hopping’s fine, as long as you have valid reasons like the new job offers more opportunities (not more leave, pay) and opens up more doors to help you develop what you love to do and not reasons like oh the other job’s less tough. Mildly debatable still, but I guess someone more controversial would better fit the shoes to run the show, initiate a debate and conclude with a lesson learnt.

She asked if I were free on Saturdays for possible future shows too ahh..

All’s well! It was really a moment in time when I seriously considered brushing up my mandarin!

Life’s really unpredictable, with unimaginable stuff thrown at you, catching you unaware. For me it was potentially appearing on a Chinese TV show! Man! The Irony! Haha!

What a night!

Got an sms from a friend who has a friend looking for someone to go on TV to talk about expectations of job seekers from the perspectives of young adults.

Just the topic that I’m passionate about!

Well the only catch is.. its on Channel U! A mandarin channel!

Oh man! Friends who know me all say I can’t speak Mandarin for nuts and have all given up.

I prayed about it.

My friend arranged for her friend to give me a call to check me out.

Received a phone call from her and after chatting for about what seemed like 45 minutes (I was amazed at how God enables) in mandarin (unbelievable!), she told me I’m in!

Far East Plaza, this saturday, 12 August at 12pm.

Miraculous!

Check out Jon Steward’s take on net neutrality.

This one’s contributed by Steve.

US E-Commerce Senator describing the internet not as a dump truck but as a series of tubes?

Freaking funny!

He never fails to ease multitudes of guffaws from me